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Mattie Lennon Irish Author- NOTHING RHYMES WITH VOLVO.

NOTHING RHYMES WITH VOLVO.

By Mattie Lennon.

I’m trying to set up a support group called VOLLOCS; with a V. (Acronym will be explained anon).

You see I owned a Morris Minor in the seventies…Which reminds me. Have you ever noticed, apart from the social possibilities afforded, the literary merit of the MM? Fair play to Christy Moore, Richie Kavanagh, and Micky McConnell – they saw the rhyming potential of the Morris Minor; Dine ‘er, Wine ‘er, Baldy Miner, Recline ‘er. Try working Peugeot, Chrysler, Citron, or Hyundai into a villanelle or a sonnet.

Have you ever heard anyone stand up at a Fleadh to sing; “The Toyota Camry Car?” And an ode to an Isuzu or a Renault would be utter Philistinism. I suppose you could rhyme something with KA, but who’d want to?

I digress. As I said, I owned an MM in the seventies and I sustained a lumber-disc-lesion (slipped disc to you) in the same decade. I contracted the latter in the back of the former during nocturnal post-dance activities around Lacken and surrounding areas of the Wicklow Mountains. I claim the Morris Minor designers/manufacturers were, at least partly, negligible through providing front seats which tilted forward making certain pelvic roll-back activities possible, if uncomfortable, in the rear. There are many places in our towns and cities, where the outside of a building describes an internal right angle, contagious to the thoroughfare. Have you ever noticed that, in such corners, there is sometimes a convex railing, with a spiked top, in position? This was a Victorian device for the purpose of discouraging erotica while parallel with the perpendicular. Why couldn’t Sir Alec Issigonis have designed, if not spikes then, some form of deterrent in the back seat of the MM?

But instead of inhibiting they subtly advertised the added facility. A promotion leaflet from fifty years ago reads; “…relax in perfect comfort in the rear seat of the Morris…the seat is extra wide and deep and there is extra leg room…deep pile carpets pad the floor…” More recently Paul Skilleter, in a Technical and Historic analysis of the Morris Minor, says it;”…gave a standard of ride-comfort such as had never been experienced in a small British car before…is more than a car…it is a familiar, dependable friend that does everything asked of it….has well planned accommodation inside.”

And what did the late Ian Nairn mean, when he wrote, of the MM, in the Sunday Times,; “…there is no way I can see a comfortable solution to a passionate embrace in the back seat?”

Bad back or no bad back it would be sharp practice on my part to take legal action against the designers of a machine with such attributes; and anyway, Sir Alec Issigonis didn’t leave forwarding address. Of course I mightn’t fare very well in court anyway; and it would be less than prudent to call a witness.

I see, now, where the British inventor, Cris McGlone, has applied for a patent for the “Posture Perfect”; a buzzing leotard. If the wearer adopts a wrong posture an alarm will go off. I wonder…

A friend of mine, a shopkeeper, claims the aforementioned alternative gymnastics are not possible in the MM. (This man once owned a Morris Minor, but it must be said he has a perfect back) “I’ll show you how possible it is,” says I ” Get me a Morris Minor and a…” Then I remembered the words of Nicolas Boileau; “Chaquee age a ses plaisirs…” (every age has It’s pleasures) I am anno-domino-barred. However I felt obliged to point out to my friend, the shopkeeper, that when Dermot O’Leary was promoting “The Oldest Swinger in Town,” it wasn’t a Prefect or an Austin Seven he used on the posters.

I’d swear the ancient Romans knew the erotically appealing properties of the MM; do you remember that little red car in the background in Ben Hur? It certainly wasn’t a Romeo or a Lada.

Remember the character in Lee Dunne’s “Does Your Mother” who was conceived in a watch-mans hut; he was called “Watchbox.” Now wouldn’t Morris Minor make a better name for a person than, say, Ford Orien or Opel Vectra?

A University-of-California study has found that men whose initials form negative acronyms e.g. P.I.G. or B.U.M. die 2.8 years younger than those with initials like V.I.P. or W.I.N. It would hardly be conducive to longevity to be called Volvo Diesel or Saab Turbo.

And speaking of longevity; the next time you see some fellow walking with difficulty (I would have every sympathy with him, he is in pain) but, ask him what’s wrong with him. He will quote all sorts of erudite specialists and tell you we evolved too quickly. We weren’t intended to stand up straight, he’ll tell you. Then you’ll have to listen to all sorts of fancy terminology; Scoliosis, Lordosis, Lor…this and Lor..that. Just listen to him for a while and then innocently ask; “Did you ever bring a Morris Minor to a dance?”

If you happen to see my old Morris Minor on the road (the Reg.No. is 7440 IK) have a look at the current driver. If it’s male and walking in the manner described above, there is a good chance he didn’t heed the warning on the faded bumper-sticker; PRACTICE SAFE SEX, AVOID THE BACK SEAT.

Oh, I nearly forgot the acronym.

VOLLOCS= VICTIMS OF LATENIGHT LIASONS ON CAR SEATS

Mattie Lennon

mattielennon@gmail.com

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Mattie Lennon Irish Author-IS IT WISE TO ASK?

 IS IT WISE TO ASK?

By Mattie Lennon.

 

   When I go into the voting booth, do I vote for the person who is the best President or the slimebucket who will make my life as a cartoonist wonderful?

    With a Presidential election coming up in October the above quotation, from American cartoonist Mike Peters, came to mind and speaking of cartoonists.  Since 2005 I have been Hon Sec  of CIE Writers’ Group. We were, and still are, completely dependent on sponsorship and artists and corporate bodies have been very generous with us down the years. 

   I recently sent the following request (and it was a request and not a demand) to Allan Kavanagh one of our better known cartoonists;

 “We need a simple line drawing, for in-house distribution to Dublin Bus employees, during the Pope’s visit. Unfortunately we won’t be in a position to remunerate you but if you are willing to do it I’ll send you the details.”

 Was Mikhail Bulgakov right when he said, “You should never ask anyone for anything. Never- and especially from those who are more powerful than yourself?”   I don’t know.  All I know is that Mr Kavanagh was underwhelmed to say the least and replied as follows;

Explain to me why you think I’d work for free? How long would I get to stay on a Dublin bus if I didn’t pay?

   That was fair enough and I explained, as best I could, that I had no way of knowing that he wouldn’t be prepared to do a small job for free.  I went on to explain, “We are not Dublin Bus; we are a writing group made up of Dublin Bus employees and retired employees.”

   To which he replied; “You contacted a professional about engaging his professional services and you had no way of knowing I’D CHARGE FOR MY WORK? What other line of business would you contact and expect free work? My time and skill have value. Stop expecting artists to work for free.”

Notice the instruction at the end?

   I was soon told that Mr Kavanagh had published my original request on a networking service.   (He also posted our email address (ciewriters@gmail.com) which had an unexpected benefit but that’s a story for another day.) 

  Mr Kavanagh did   get a large volume of support from his fellow tweeters, some of whom used the “vernacular of the soldier” and the crutch of the crippled conversationalist a lot. Have a look for yourself;   pic.twitter.com/hkSi4mTWXx

  One Nigel Bell from Brisbane managed to establish that I was, “Not brought up properly”. And somebody called  “Fuster” suggested that Mr Kavanagh  send me  a well- executed line  drawing of a “middle-finger salute” which “Fuster” posted.

 

 If Mr. Kavanagh feels like going to the wider media with his complaint   about  illustrators and cartoonists being asked to do work for free and if he wants a list of artists who did work for our group free of charge I can supply it. He refers to red mist being on him and according to himself he has, “. .  . A zero-tolerance name-and-shame policy when it comes to this.”  It is not clear to me who he is going to shame.

mattielennon@gmail.com

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Mattie Lennon Irish Author- BILLY KEANE AND THE (BRAVE) PAINTED LADIES.

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Mattie Lennon Irish Author-THE STORY OF  A BRAVE GARDA Review

THE STORY OF  A BRAVE GARDA

By Mattie Lennon.

    “ In An Garda Siochana . . . loyalty is prized over Honesty.”   (Judge Peter Smithwick.)

  I have just  read a book which should appear on the bestseller list. If it doesn’t there is something wrong somewhere.

  Whistle-blowers and some Gardaí always got a bad press.  Whistle-blowers were called “squealers”, “Stool-Pigeons”, “rats” and many more uncomplimentary names. It’s not long ago since the editor of a provincial paper wrote in an Editorial, , “Those are the same sort of people who would slip in through the back door of the RIC barracks in the dead of night to inform on their neighbours in more turbulent times. They are the poisoned possessors of little minds.  . .”

   Acclaimed writer Stan Gebler Davis wrote, “Policemen, as a rule, are not very bright; if they were they wouldn’t be policeman.”

   One of the most famous whistle-blowers of recent times is Garda Sergeant Maurice McCabe.    His story is told in a recently published book “A Force for Justice” by award-winning journalist Michael Clifford.  Michael was Print Journalist of the Year in 2014 and Newspaper Industries Journalist of the Year 2016. He has written many non-fiction bestsellers and crime fiction novels.

  Maurice McCabe didn’t set out to be a whistleblower but he did set out, from a very young age, to be a Garda.  As a twelve-year old schoolboy he made that clear.  When his class were given an exercise to map out their lives from the cradle to the grave young Maurice made it clear that he was   “  . . . going to be the head of the Guards one day.”   Calvin Harris said, “When I was eight I wanted to be a policeman so that I could tell people off.” Maurice McCabe didn’t want to be able to tell people off. He wanted to be a good cop who would do things right and make Ireland and the world a better place. His first application was rejected because he was an eighth of an inch too small.  On the second application he was deemed “too light to serve.”

  Tenacity and cohesion won the day ; he was accepted on the third attempt and in August 1985 Maurice McCabe walked into the Garda Training   College in Templemore, County Tipperary.  In 1999 he was promoted  to the rank of Sergeant.  As a sergeant in County Cavan he found the incompetence and corruption too much. In 2008 he complained  about shoddy and inadequate investigations into serious crime in County Cavan.  He paid a big price.  A rough ride lay ahead of him. He was at the receiving end of vilification, bullying and harassment.  Some of his subordinates turned against him. Commissioner Martin Callinan publically described his actions as “disgusting.”   When I saw the clip on television I asked myself, “Is this the sort of statement we should expect from a two-time  graduate of the FBI National Academy in Quantico, Virginia.”   Later Superintendent  David Taylor   admitted to Maurice, “ We wanted to destroy you.”

      When  Maurice McCabe’s  detractors  referred to him as a “stickler” it wasn’t meant as a compliment but all right-thinking people know that it means a person who insists on doing the right thing, and insists that others do it, unyieldingly.

In 2002 a penalty points system was introduced for a number of motoring offences, the most prominent being speeding.  This system along with the establishment of the Road Safety  Authority in 2006 led to a incredible reduction in road deaths.  When Sergeant Maurice McCabe discovered that a large number of Fixed Charge Notices were being cancelled by senior officers he did some digging.  The results have been well documented .  He showed that he was not part of the “blue glue”  which enabled  Gardai to stick together when they closed ranks.

  On  World Day of Remembrance for Road Traffic Victims, 20th November 2016,  Sergeant Maurice McCabe was  presented with the ambassador of the Year Award for Road Safety and Road Victims. When the brave sergeant stepped up the    microphone he said,  “ I tried to make a difference and I think I have.”

   Martin Callinan retired  in  2014 and his successor, Commissioner Noreen O Sullivan, retired in August 2017.  The commission on the Future of Policing in Ireland has warned the government not to appoint a new commissioner too quickly. It could be six months before the next commissioner is appointed.   But what sort of a person do we want in the position?   Sunday Independent journalist  Eoghan Harris put it in a nutshell,  ” What the Garda needs right now is a fearless Irish cop cut from the same  cloth as Maurice McCabe”.

  Maurice McCabe and his family have travelled a horrific journey and Michael Clifford brings the reader every step of the way with them.

   “ A Force for Justice” is published by Hachette Books Ireland  and details are available from Sharon Plunkett at; Sharon@plunkettpr.com

  Mattie Lennon <mattielennon@gmail.com

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Mattie Lennon Irish Author- ON RAGLAN ROAD

ON RAGLAN ROAD.

By Mattie Lennon

“Only in you my song begins and ends.” So wrote Philip Sidney.

 When we are intrigued, uplifted or moved by a song how often do we know where it began?

  Most Irish love-songs were inspired by women. But who were these women? When you listened to Luke Kelly belting out “Raglan Road” or Brendan O Dowda’s rendition of the haunting “Gortnamona”did you wonder who the objects of the composition were?   Gerry Hanberry’s latest book “On Raglan Road – Great Irish Love Songs and the Women Who Inspired Them”   gives the story  of the unrequited love in Patrick Kavanagh’s life when the   Medicanl Student, Hilda Moriarty admired his talent but didn’t want any romantic involvement with the 40 year old poet.  This  inspired the poem   “Raglan Road”.  The book also tells  the stories behind of thirteen  other Irish love songs and in-dept biographical accounts of their authors..  We are told in great detail who the real “Galway Girl”,Nancy Spain” and “Grace” were.  Thin Lizzy’s  “Sarah”, Mick Hanly’s “Past the Point Of Rescue”  and  Johnny Duhan’s  “The Voyage” all have strong and beautiful  women behind them.  The devastating death of Percy’s Frenh’s first wife at a  young age prompted him, in his grief, to compose “Gortnamona”. Whatever about every good man having a woman behind him does every good song have a woman behind it?  

      GerryHanberry has published four collections of poetry to date and also a biography of the Wilde family,  “More Lives Than One – The Remarkable Wilde Family Through the Generations”  and four collections of poetry .   In 2000 he won the prestigious  Originals Short Story prize in Listowel Writers’ Week.     Having won the  Sunday Tribune/Hennessy Award in 2000 he went on to win the  Strokestown Prize 2003 and RTÉ’s Rattlebag Poetry Slam  also in 2003.  In the Summer of 2004 he  won the Brendan Kennelly*/Sunday Tribune Poetry Award  and he also  won the Galway City and Co. Council’s Poetry Award for National Poetry Day 2009 and  he has been shortlisted for many of Ireland’s top poetry prizes .  Apart from his writing he is acoustic guitarist and vocalist with the great Rock, Country, Blues band The Atlantic Rhythm Section.

   He has been invited to read and deliver workshops at many literature festivals and been broadcast on Lyric FM, Galway Bay FM, Newstalk, Midwest Radio, Cape Cod Radio in the US, Ireland’s RTÉ and in Australia.   He holds an MA in Writing from the National University of Ireland, Galway, where he teaches a Creative Writing course to undergraduates. He is also a teacher of English at St. Enda’s College, Salthill. He was a journalist during the 1980s and 1990s, writing a weekly column for the Galway Observer under the name “Joe Barry”. In addition he performs regularly as a singer-songwriter. He runs  creative writing and poetry appreciation workshops and delivers talks on his non-fiction works around them .  He is available to give a reading or talk, sing or play  and can be contacted at ;gerryhanberry@gmail.com

*P.S.  I hope Gerry doesn’t mind me using the following; In 2004 Brendan Kennelly wrote “ Raglan Lane “, a celebratory  “poemsong “ that gives Patrick Kavanagh a moment of happy fulfilment rather than a climax of disappointment.

                                               RAGLAN LANE.

In Raglan Lane, in the gentle rain, I saw dark love again,

Beyond belief, beyond all grief, I felt the ancient pain,

The joyful  thrust of holy lust, I stretched on heaven’s floor,

One moment burned what the years had learned and I was wild once more.

The years’ deep cries in her sad eyes became a source of light,

The heavy gloom  and sense of doom changed to pure delight,

And as we walked and talked we knew one thing for sure,

That love is blessed togetherness and loneliness is poor.

Then I grew rich with every touch, we loved the whole night long,

Her midnight hair bon the pillow there became an angel’s song,

Her happy skin, beyond all sin, was heaven opened wide,

But as the dawn came slyly on, I slept and she left my side.

Why  did she go? I’ll never know, nor will the gentle rain,

Her up and go was a cruel blow, and yet I felt no pain

For I had known her body and soul, in my own loving way,

So I lay and thanked the God of love at the dawning of the day.

Mattie Lennon  mattielennon@gmail.com

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Mattie Lennon Irish Author- FIELDS OF RYE

   FIELDS OF RYE

                                                                          By Mattie Lennon.

  Des Garvin was born and reared in the townland of Shrataggle, County Mayo.  In his recently published book “Fields of Rye”, he uses Shrataggle as a blackboard to illustrate life in all of rural Ireland in the last century and before.

   Traditional music was always one of his passions and he has been a leading light in Comhaltas Ceoltoiri Eireannn for many decades.   Involved in Peace Groups in Northern Ireland for thirty years his leadership ability became evident as a young teenager.  When Rural  Electrification was introduced to his native heath  the Ground Rents proposed by the ESB was exorbitant. He tells us, “ . . . the ground rent on our house was calculated at £15and that was payable every two months. Today, that is roughly the equivalent of €290, and it was extortion plain and simple.”

   It was highly unlikely that any of  Des’s neighbours would sign up. Out of economic necessity there were forced to say no.  Tony Blair said that the art of leadership is to say no but Des wouldn’t agree.

   The young boy from Strataggle convinced all and sundry to say “yes”  despite the  outrageous price quoted,  “ at least until the lines arrived in the village.”  The result? The ESB was left with no choice but to join the village to the network.  As luck would have it, between the beginning of the project and the houses of Shrataggle being connected the government of the day introduced a subsidy which reduced the ground rent to £2 every two months. The island of Inishlyre, in Clew Bay, County Mayo, was only connected to the national grid in September 2000. Obviously they didn’t ever have a young Des Garvin living there!

   An in-depth genealogical analysis of Garvins, O’Malleys,  Cormacks,  Gilroys and every other family that inhabited Des’s part of Mayo for centuries is a collector’s item.  A photo gallery of 157 images contains pictures – including   “ The Bridge at Sharaggle and Last Rick of Hay”-  that would, otherwise, have been lost but are now moments frozen in time and recorded  for posterity.

  97 year-old   Catherine Garvin, from  Shrataggle, has  been living in New York since 1939.  She educated herself and had a very successful  career in the travel trade and later the legal and banking business. She was one of 40 travel agents on board, in April 1958, when Aer Lingus introduced its trans-Atlantic service with the Seaboard Super Constellation.   A few months ago Des interviewed her for his book. She told him of how she attended secretarial school after arriving in New York and became proficient in shorthand and typing.  ( And . . . whether cutting turf in Mullach Padda Bhain or negotiating with people who were key figures  in the Good Friday agreement, Des Garvin would leave no stone unturned .)  He gave the Shrataggle  nonagenarian  a sentence and asked her to reproduce it in Pitman shorthand .  She produced the result, ” . . .in moments.”

   The author doesn’t go overboard in blowing the trumpet of his own family. Although he does point out that his aunt Anne, who worked as a cook in the Royal Victoria Club in Leeds,  was responsible for introducing chips and Yorkshire pudding to Shrataggle.

  Some years ago  Cllr Joe Mellett, , said of John Healy, that other great writer from Mayo : “He’s a guy that we can associate with especially in bad times. He made the rest of the country aware of what was happening then.”   The comment also describes Des Garvin. Wren-boys, Cillins, Missioners, blasting with gelignite , illicit distilling and travelling shows  feature. It’s all there.

   In my working days Des  was my boss for a number of years  and  am I  glad that I didn’t ever cross swords with him. What would be the point of taking on somebody who, when barely out of short trousers, convinced a stubborn rural community to take action against a semi- State body that would result in an 87% reduction in ground rents?

      Details of “Fields of Rye are  on;  www.shrataggle.com

Mattie Lennon    mattielennon@gmail.com

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Mattie Lennon Irish Author- HELLO

 Mattie Lennon   mattielennon@gmail.com

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